I'm Back...

First off, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back on here and update everyone on how everything is going with my progress on getting back to work shape and life in general. To be honest, I've been more than a little depressed and couldn't bring myself to write about what I was feeling at the time. I have had to come to the realization that returning to my previous employer within the time allotted is not a possibility, this in no uncertain terms crushed me. To add to my disgust was rumors of high ranking members of this organization wanting to "break me" if I should attempt to return to work there. (You'll notice I am being vague about where I work/worked, they have put out a department wide memo that any mention of the company outside of approved outlets will be met with punishment, up to and including termination. Since, I am currently an employee there I will obey by their rules.) I have been facing the fact that I am unable to push my body to the point I need it to be in order to return to the ambulance in the time I have left. As of writing this I have 4 days left and I have found that building up the strength in the hip flexor and gaining the endurance/stamina needed to return to work has been much more daunting than I had originally expected. Luckily, I have other places to go to work once I am able.

It's not all been doom and gloom here in the Prosthetic Medic household. As I have said before, Kate and I will be welcoming home a baby boy sometime in the December/January timeframe. We have decided to name him "William Lewis" and call him "Liam."

Also, I had the distinct pleasure of being featured by Otto Bock, the company that makes my prosthesis, in a video/photo shoot. They featured my recovery effort and interviewed one of my best friends and coworkers to ask what  impact I have had on his EMS career. I was joined by a local police sergeant who is also an above knee and a volunteer fire fighter who is a bilateral below knee amputee. It was an amazing 2 days. I got some great advice from the officer who is a mentor of sorts to me. He just reminded me of what I am working for and how important it is to show my sons how to overcome adversity, not only say it, but show them with my actions.

When I finally cleared my head and took the time to focus on the positives I have in my life, the fact that I still not only have a life to live, but have created another one, has given me the motivation I had lost. I'm ready to try again, not only to get back to being a medic, but to get back to living the life I want and not the one I have been handed. If any of you still follow me, or even read this, thank you for your understanding and look forward to more regular updates in the future. Back on the horse, hoping the buggy follows....The Prosthetic Medic

Daniel and I at the Otto Bock Photo Shoot

BIG NEWS!!!!

Big news on the Prosthetic Medic front. Looks like in January Kate and I will be welcoming a baby boy.  This means we will have Bryson, Logan, and then William "Liam".  We are thrilled to be welcoming this little bundle of joy, and now I have even more motivation to get back where I belong!!!

Aside from the biggest news, I'm still working on going off of my cane. Today I spent most of the day without the cane. I get sloppy towards the end of the day but I'm happy working without cane, and more importantly I have the blessing from the physical therapist to continue working without it and learn to use my knee to more of it's capabilities. So if you're in Louisville and see a fat guy sweating his butt off and leaning a little. Don't worry it's just me.

Goodbye Cane...almost

For the past week I've been trying to go without my cane. I'm tired of having to use a crutch and want to move on to the next step of the rehab process. My gait isn't perfect and I'm not close to where I want to be with that aspect. That being said, it is getting better, the hip flexors are strengthening and the lean I have when stepping onto the prosthetic is getting better as well. I've noticed when not using the cane the energy expenditure I have while walking has increased significantly. Now, the next step in the process is to up my stamina and endurance, right now just walking through the grocery store has me breaking a sweat and wore out. I have to admit, this process is wearing thin, I'm ready to get going and move on, but my body just won't let me do so. My prosthesist told me that this process would show me the meaning of patience, I have to admit he was right. I know that by not giving my body the time it needs to move at a natural speed will only lead to more problems in the future, I just wish I could speed up the process. I attempted to walk all day without the cane, including walking about a mile total non stop. This left my leg hurting and sore and I had to take off the leg as soon as I got home. That is what frustrates me the most. I have the leg, I have a wonderful socket that is the most comfortable of all the ones I've had so far, and now all that's holding me back is my own anatomy. I've been told that if I can lose some weight it will get better. I have a wonderful physical therapist who is helping me along this road and working on getting me off the cane for good, it's just getting my leg to listen to what my brain and heart wants to do.

Future at Louisville Metro

So progress has been slow but I suppose any progress is better than regress right? Anyway. I'm starting to seriously question my ability to return to work by the end of August. I'm nearly off the cane now. I'm able to walk for longer distances without the cane, but now the major obstacle is endurance. I was informed by the physical therapist that as an above knee amputee I burn about 90% more energy just walking than a non amputee. This means that if Kate and I walk a mile together, by energy use, I have walked 2 miles for her 1. This has proven to be quite the obstacle to overcome. I'm just scared that I won't have the strength and endurance to return to the truck by the time I have allotted. This doesn't mean that my career as a paramedic is at an end, just possibly my career at LMEMS may be at an end if I can't make that date. I have made the decision not to dwell on where I will return to though, I just have to concentrate on getting healthy enough to do the job I am meant to do. No matter where I am performing that role at, it has to be on my body's time and not the timetable laid out by an outside agency. It would do no good for me to return to work and then have to quit because I pushed myself too hard. I refuse to start and have to bow out because I rushed myself.

I really hope to return to my LMEMS family. I miss all of you and I am the paramedic I am because of the great people I have had the blessings to work with at this organization. In Louisville you come across all types of emergencies from geriatric to pediatric, from gun shots to acute MI, and everything in between. This agency is my home and I am grateful for the opportunity I have had to cut my teeth at such a wonderful place and dearly hope I can make this deadline. Yet, after losing sleep over pushing myself to get to this goal that has been set, I have decided that I will no longer stress over where I will return to. I have been blessed by several choices of where to return to and I know that LMEMS is at the top of my list, but I will go where I am able to perform my duties, but not hurt myself or my family. I have till the end of August to make this decision final. I will listen to my abilities and make decisions with my family, that is the only way this can work and I am sure God will lead me where I am supposed to be.

Insomnia and another late night update

I've been having a major issue over the past few months. I have not been able to sleep more than a few hours at a time. The hardest part is that during the night I am completely unable to sleep at all. I've been told that this is an effect of the traumatic brain injury I received during my fall. I didn't have any bleeds, but I did have a significant concussion with a coup counter coup injury. I hate this. The hardest part is I miss being able to stay in bed and have that comfort of having Kate next to me. My nightly routine now is to stay in bed with her, I scratch her head until she drifts off into that peaceful bliss then I relocate out to the living room. I'm tired but sleep just won't come. I don't know what else to do. I'm going to go see my doc next week, since I've spent so much time in the hospital over the past year I'm quite weary of going to any appointments, but it seems I don't have much of a choice now.

Since I'm up and writing tonight I guess I'll give you all an update on how things are going on the journey back to the ambulance. Hilbert, the new physical therapist and above knee amputee as well, has identified two major issues that are keeping me walking on the cane. First and easiest to fix is that my core/hip muscles just aren't strong enough to stabilize me as I come over the foot on the prosthetic side. This has resulted in an involuntary bending towards the unaffected side. It's annoying and luckily an easy fix. Just have to do a few exercises to strengthen the muscles and that should go away. Second, is learning to adapt my gait so that once that lean is gone I walk normal again. My goal is it to be indistinguishable when I'm in uniform that I am an amputee.

Another interesting fact I've learned today is that as an above knee amputee when doing activities that include walking or running I will use approximately 90% more energy to do the same task. As an example if Kate and I go walking when she has walked one mile, energy wise I will have walked nearly 2 miles. This will make it a bit easier for me to lose this poundage I have added over the past year of being inactive, but also shows me yet another obstacle I will face in trying to return to work. It feels sometimes that it will never get back to normal, or even feel normal again. I have good days and bad, but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels until I can get this cane out of my life and just be able to get up and go. I refuse to let this beat me, but for the first time I'm wondering if my goal of returning to the ambulance in August was a bit too ambitious. I suppose only time will tell.

Review of the Flexible Socket from Kentucky Prosthetics

I've had my new flexible socket for a few days now, so I thought I'd write a small review of the pros and cons. I know that a few out there in the amputee community read this blog and I have gotten several questions about the new equipment. So here goes...

First, the positives: This socket is extremely comfortable. It is a flexible, yet sturdy, silicone type liner. It's thicker than silicone, I'm not sure the name of the actual material. The support structure is a carbon fiber frame with trusses that absorb the weight. The back of the socket is open, so it relieves much of the pain associated with sitting and getting in and out of cars. When I'm wearing the leg the socket feels much more like my actual leg, well prior to the amputation. The material actual flexes and gives with the muscle contractions while I'm walking. I feel like wearing this leg for 12+ hours will not be an issue and it has cut down on the fatigue I felt while wearing the traditional carbon fiber socket.

Cons: The biggest con I have for the new flexible socket is that it takes some time to get used to the new feelings. I can't really call this a "con" but more of an adjustment period. With the flexible material it is sometimes more difficult to have proprioception (knowing where your limbs are in space). Other than that I am thrilled with the outcome and look forward to wearing the prosthetic more.

Tomorrow I'll be trying out the socket at the gym and physical therapy so I'll really get a feel for how it handles direction changes and wearing it under stress.

Also, I have had many questions about where I go for my prosthetic care. My prosthesists are at Kentucky Prosthetics in Louisville, Ky. I cannot speak highly enough about the wonderful care I get here. They have went above and beyond in my care, from fixing any issues that may arise (even on weekends and past business hours), to making several sockets over the past 3 months, to dealing with my many many questions. They have always gone above and beyond to make sure I not only have what I need, but to make sure that all things are working as they should.



Back                                                                                                  Side

                                                    Front

New Socket!

New Socket is finally ready. Had my final fitting today. My prosthesist Matt wanted me to correct myself as well. This is NOT a "Comfort Flex Socket" that name is owned by Hanger Prosthetic Company, This is the Kentucky Prosthetic Flexible Socket...I stand corrected. I can't wait to get this put on my knee tomorrow, I'm very excited, it is extremely comfortable and will allow my leg to start building muscle, and the open back makes sitting much more comfortable and it will stop that pinching that has plagued me for the past few months. Couple this with the ongoing workouts and I'll be off of the cane and onto the truck in no time. I feel like things are progressing quickly now and my new physical therapist has set goals for me to be running soon.