Sunday, June 3, 2012
I want to be better than I was
This time last year I was just getting home from the hospital. I was lost, confused, and most of all angry. Now don't get me wrong, I was thankful to be alive, but couldn't help but be angry at the situation I was in. I felt like I would never be able to function properly again. How right I was, and surprisingly enough, I was completely wrong as well. With the hand I had been dealt, I was not going to be able to function. I was left with a knee that didn't work and a foot that just dragged along. Hard to do anything with that equipment. So, I chose to change my cards, shuffle up and try another hand. This hasn't been easy by any means. I have learned a lot though, I now know what a 10/10 on a pain scale is, I know that falling doesn't equal failure, and most importantly I've learned that with adversity comes a chance to be even greater. I'm not there yet, not sure I'll ever get there, but I'm gonna fight like Hell to be better than I was. I start this work hardening program tomorrow. I have my goals and my new physical therapist knows them as well. I'm blessed to be training with another amputee, one who has been through the same struggles I have and is out on the other side. I guess he's the Virgil to my Dante as he guides me through the 9 circles of Hell. Good news is, he knows the path out on the other side. I have set the goal to not only get back to walking, but to lose 30 pounds, build some muscle, and not just live but have a life. I'd lost that along the way, but life has a way of showing you what's really important. It's not being alive, as I stressed so much before, but it's in actually living the life you've been given. Sure, I had to learn the hard way, but maybe, just maybe, someone else won't have to fight these battles because I have. So here we are, I'm still on my journey to get back to my new normal, but I've decided I don't want to get back to where I was...I want to be better than I was before.