Beyond frustrated tonight. I had a small setback that has had big mental implications on me. My prosthetic socket, the part that keeps my knee attached to my leg, is a little too big. Normally, this isn't a big deal, but with the change in the weather today my stump has shrank more than normal. This lead to my leg "bottoming out" inside the socket. Allow me to paint a picture for you, when my leg was amputated they removed 10cm of femur, the remaining muscle was then wrapped over the end of the bone and sutured together. When my leg bottoms out in the socket my weight is pressing the remnant of my femur into that muscle. Bone pain is some of the worst pain I have experienced. It's just a deep, almost toothache type pain, that is just deep inside. It's sickening, literally. So, I tried to suck it up and continue to work today, but when it got to the point that I was getting nauseated by walking, it was time to throw in the towel. My prosthetic office has already started on making a smaller socket for me, should be ready in the coming days, but this was a reality check. This was a very unwelcome reminder that despite all my efforts, I am different than how I used to be. I loathe admitting any weakness, much less one that I'm already being judged for.
I'm hoping that these instances are few and far between, but they are a part of life now. I'm lucky enough to have a very supportive system at home, and have someone who knows when I need support and to vent, and when I need a great kick in the butt to move on.
On a good note, aside from today's setback, things are going well. I've noticed that I'm still having problems with carrying patients down stairs, but that will come with more time and strength.
Until Next Time...