Thursday, September 5, 2013
She's still here...
An open letter to my wife:
If you look in the dictionary under difficult you will find my picture, well, you should find my picture. I'm not an easy person to live with, I'm always reaching out, trying to help, stretching myself thin...which in turn stretches my family thin. I try to balance being a husband,a dad, a paramedic, a supervisor, an amputee activist, a friend, a son, a brother...etc. As you can see the list goes on and on. No matter how hard I try something on this list is going to suffer neglect as I try to keep all the titles in the air,and from time to time I drop the ball. This is where the amazing part comes in...she's always there. Always.
On May 8th, 2011, as I lay in Room 9 at University Hospital I begged her to leave me. It's one of the few memories I have from being in the trauma room. I begged for her until she was there, then I begged her to move on with her life without me. She deserved better...but she was there, as always. When I had my leg amputated, once again I tried to convince her she deserved better than me, she didn't need to spend her time taking care of me...she told me to shut up...and she was still there.
When our son was born,well a few days after, when I realized how difficult it was going to be to care for an infant on one leg, realized that the night time care would fall to her...she didn't run...no she's still here.
That brings us to today. I've got several fires burning. I'm trying to balance all these things and keep up appearances, and when I feel like I'm failing. She's here. I haven't given her the credit she deserves. Yes, I have a lot of people in my life that have stood by me, my family and friends have been here as well. Yet, in those quiet moments, when I'm having an off day and hate everything that I've been through, hate my prosthetic and the circumstance that has led me to this existence...I can always count on her to remind me that against all odds...I'm still here, and so is she.
As I prepare to continue on this journey, I felt I needed to take a moment to peek behind the curtain and say with all certainty...behind all my successes there is an even more amazing and successful woman that I am blessed enough to get to call my wife.