I'm finally back online. The last time I was able to sit down and write on this blog I was in a very dark place. My depression and PTSD had been the worse it has been since I had my injury. To be honest, I wanted to quit. For the first time in a very long time I wished I hadn't gotten back up. Luckily, life has a way of showing you the real important things in life. The night after I had wrote the last blog post here, I was sent a message by a new amputee that I had spoke to right after her amputation. She reminded me of the words I had said to her a few months ago..."I'm not saying its going to be easy, if fact, it will be the hardest thing you will ever do...what I am saying is that it is not the end of your life. It's worth it." Having those words return to me, along with the love and support of my family and friends, has helped drag me out of my pit of despair. I'm not back to where I want to be. I'm still working on finding out who I am now. I am mourning the loss of who I used to be...thanks to some therapy I realized that I haven't done that yet. The beautiful part is...I finally feel like I am healing. 2 Years after my last surgery, I can honestly say my physical wounds are now just scars, but my mental wounds are finally on the mend.
I'll be clear, we are still in quite the financial bind. I want to return to work, I just have to find out where that will be and in what capacity. I'm still looking. I will find it.
On to some more positive news. I have been accepted back to Stanford Medicine X. This year I will be going as a presenter and I will be giving an Ignite! style speech. (If your not familiar, an Ignite format speech is a concise 5 minute presentation set to 20 slides that boost your message). You can find the ignite speeches from past presenters at Medicine X by searching YouTube for Medicine X.
As I continue to grow and heal, I can only hope that I can spread the message I am trying to live. I am an amputee. I am also a father, husband, son, friend, paramedic, the list continues on. My lack of a leg is part of who I am. I know I speak about it a lot...but it does not define me. What defines me is how many times I get back up...Fall down 9 times...get up 10.
Until next time.
PM
Follow along on the adventures of an amputee Paramedic. I have now fell into activism/advocacy work for Insurance Fairness for all amputees. I occasionally do some Motivational Speaking, I'm writing a book, and of course blogging all that stuff here. Follow me through all my wins and losses in the fight to break the stereotype of what amputees are capable of. I may write about EMS, Healthcare, Amputees, or Nonsense. Follow the blog and see what today brings!
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