Techno-Frustrations

I have to admit. I am very happy and excited to have my prosthetic. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed to have this technology on my side. I am a little frustrated. I wanted to put this thing on and take off without any limitations. For now, I am still tethered to crutches. Whenever I take a step I am hitting the bottom of the socket and needless to say, that hurts. My physical therapist said that the stump has shrunk down enough that I'm impacting the bottom and now I'll have to go in and get a liner so that doesn't happen. So those are my current frustrations. I know this is only a temporary set back, I know that in the grand scheme of things this is only a speed bump, but sometimes speed bumps can look like mountains until you get over them. The physical therapist has assured me that my no means should I be walking without assistance yet, nobody does that apparently. I want to be the exception to the rule. I am an impatient person. It's a flaw I guess. So here we go. Tomorrow I'm hoping that I'll get this liner and the pain will go away. I'm ready to get up and walking. I'm ready to take my boys to the zoo. Let them know that they finally have me back.

Hurts so good

First off, I want to thank everyone for your support. Every time I have had a period of doubt or some self-loathing, you have all been there with some encouraging words. So thank you all. I also want to thank Humana and Louisville Metro Government for making this possible. Humana is taking a chance by approving me and I will prove that this technology is wonderful for many of us. If they see I'm progressing well maybe they will change the policy to allow many others to benefit from this technology.

Today I ran errands on the new leg. I'm still using the crutches to help bear some of the weight and a safety net of sorts. I've noticed that I have some pain after wearing it for a couple of hours. The thing that is most discouraging to me right now is that I am unable to put all my weight on my stump. I'm not strong enough to hold all my weight on it and that makes it feel weak. I don't know how long it will take to get that feeling to go away or how to build the strength required to do so, I guess that's why I'll be having PT. On a funnier note, my feet are so big they had to special order another foot for the prosthetic. It seems not many amps have a size 14/15 foot. So, now I'm waiting on my new foot, but I can still use the one provided currently. It felt great to stand in a crowded elevator and not have anyone staring or whispering about my lack of a leg. The boost of self confidence that has come with this leg is amazing. For the first time in a long time I feel like I can be normal again. Well, my dark and twisty version of normal. Later this evening I begin my physical therapy and I'm ready. I'm looking forward to the pain, because for the first time in months, pain is going to equal progress. Finally I can look at the pain I'm in and know that because of this pain I will be able to return to who I am. I get to return to being that cocky self confident person I know is still inside of me. I just have to find a way to get him back out to the surface. I'll update later about how physical therapy went.

Walking on the Genium

 Here's the video of me walking on the Genium. Hoping this works right. I'm having trouble getting it to upload correctly. Let me know if this doesn't work

Near Death Experience

I forgot to mention yesterday. Friday, Kentucky Prosthetics called me and let me know my knee has arrived at the office. Monday I should be going in to get fitted for my new leg. I am so excited, I doubt I'll sleep tonight. Tomorrow, the fate of my future is finally back in my hand. My progress is up to me. I can succeed or fail depending on the work I am willing to put into this. I'm looking forward to getting out and exercising, I've put back on some of the weight I had lost with the initial injury, I'm looking forward to losing this weight and getting back into shape. I gotta get all ampusexy for Kate...It's hard to be a 2 constantly fighting to keep everyone from hitting on my 10. I'm really looking at this as a chance at a new beginning at life. I have learned to not get upset over trivial things, to not take this life for granted. I can honestly say, there is no reason that I should have survived that fall. I shouldn't be here typing this blog right now, by the laws of physics and modern medicine I should be dead. I can literally say that I have been an inch from death. When I landed at the bottom, my ear was folded over by a branch of drift wood that I had landed on. Think about that, one inch to the right and I would have impaled my head on that branch and that would've been my legacy. I would be remembered as "that guy who fell off the water fall and died." Sure, Kate and our sons would remember me for who I am, as father and husband (I'm pretty much her husband, we're just lacking that legal document). My co-workers would remember me as a medic, not sure if good or bad, I've had a few say I'm a great medic, and I think I'm good at it. I was inches from death, but for some reason God chose to let me stay. I am thankful.

That being said, 24 more hours to donate to Louisville Metro EMS EMT Ben White. Ben is a wonderful man and father. His legacy. He's a great tech who has a young child and beautiful wife. Think about it, while you are warm and dry sitting in your home, Ben is thinking about how to rebuild his shattered life. Please give what you can to help this brother in need. We are all family, you have proven this to me time and time again. Everything helps so let's do what we can to help Ben and his family get back up and running.

I'll be posting video tomorrow of my first steps on my new leg...I can't wait.

Please Help...Another of Our Own Needs You

Tonight's post has nothing to do with me or my goal. Tonight's post is all about helping others. Yesterday, A coworker of mine lost nearly everything in the tornado in Henryville, Indiana. He is a wonderful EMT, has a wife and child. I'm asking those of you who read my blog to consider donating some money via my PayPal button at the top of this post. All proceeds from the next 48 hours will be given directly to EMT Ben White to help pay for the expenses he has incurred. This money will go to buying clothing for his child, wife, and himself. To pay for food and any other expenses in which he needs help with at this time. I cannot imagine losing my home and belongings in an instant. Please, consider giving to this wonderful cause. I will make sure that all the money donated over the next 48 hours goes directly to Ben and his family. Thank you all for the support you have shown me, please let's support one of our other brothers as well.

Thank you all,

Joe Riffe aka The Prosthetic Medic

We Risk Our Lives to Save Yours

A day like today can really put things into perspective. Yes, what happened to me was a tragic accident. Today, an entire town has faced losing everything they have. This is beyond a tragedy. For those who are reading for outside the Louisville area, those who read me from across the pond, today an estimated EF4 tornado destroyed a town just 20 min north of Louisville, Ky. I had no decision in what happened to me the day I fell, luckily I had more of a choice on having my leg amputated. I had a chance to prepare. I hope the people of Henryville, In took their cues and tried to prepare as well. I have learned that you can take a tragedy and turn it into a chance to grow and become more than you were before. As I am typing this, Kate is is up in Henryville assisting with the rescue and recovery efforts. She makes me so proud. It also, makes me realize the importance to me that I return to EMS. When she got that call that they needed her to come in and go up to the site of the tornado, I had a stream of emotions. I was jealous, plain and simple, I wanted that call to come to me. I want to go. I want to be there helping, putting my skills to use. Secondly, I am scared to death. I have never been the person left behind, I have always been the one to rush into the danger, not the family member left behind to wait. I am so proud of that woman, she has been to war, so I know that she will be fine, but she is also the entire world for our sons and myself.

On a completely different note...My knee arrived at Kentucky Prosthetics today. This means that as soon as Monday there is a chance that I will rejoin the world of the bipedal. Soon, I will be enjoying the  fruits of years of military research that will ensure that I can come back to nearly 100% of where I was before. The foot is there, I've already given them one of my skis aka size 14 New Balance tennis shoes. I will try to post a video of me walking in my new leg. I get to leave the office with my new leg. I hate that Kate has to work, I may see if she can get the day off. I really want her to be there. She is my entire world and I really want her to be there for my first steps in the leg that will give us our lives back. Starting Tuesday I will begin my real physical therapy. I plan on hitting the gym, fire towers, escalators, running after lost puppies, what ever I have to do to get my redneck self back on the ambulance. I haven't felt a yearning this strong to get back in awhile. Knowing that their is an entire community of people who are hurt and I could be there helping to save the most important thing...the lives of the ones they love. Homes and Cars can and will be replaced. Your loved ones.  The EMS creed...We risk our lives to save yours....That doesn't become more evident than when a natural disaster strikes. May God be with our brothers and sisters in public safety tonight as they walk into Hell to pull another from the flames.

Have you seen me?

Today has just not been my day. I think I have the ebb and flow of the ocean. I had a great day yesterday and today has been as bad as it was good. Just have had one of those days dealing with personal insecurities, my son was in his first fight, to make that worse he was jumped by 4 other 1st graders. I told him I will teach him to fight, but if he ever starts a fight I'll set his butt on fire. Same warning I was given as a child, I just hate I'm giving it to him about 6 years before it was given to me. I want to try to teach him that violence isn't the answer, but he needs to be able to protect himself.

Aside from that, I'm dealing with some major depression, PTSD, and self-image issues today. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin today. All I want is to be that cocky medic I was before this accident. It seems when I get on the path to being me again I get slapped back down. I never had issues with self-esteem. Despite being overweight and having a nose that in more than one occasion got me likened to Gonzo, I was me, deal with it. I'm having more trouble dealing with this one. I'm hoping being back on two legs will help me get that confidence back. After nearly a year of relying on others to do for me, when I did it mostly alone before, wears on a man. It has permiated every part of my life now. Although it did a patient assessment on crutches today, a wreck happened in front of me whole driving. That was welcomed. Just like the trauma junkie prayer, don't let anyone have to get hurt, but if they do, let me be there.

I'm just fighting the same old demons everyday, and sadly to say, today they are winning. Well, that's all for now, tomorrow is another day on the battlefield. Hopefully I'll be ready