Looking toward the future...

I'm contemplating taking on a new challenge. I have a few options that I am considering, all of which are very hard paths to walk down...especially for a one legged man. I'm ready to push to a breaking point again. I'm just not sure if I should go for the physically demanding route or the mentally demanding route.

Option 1:
I'm giving serious thought to joining either the Army or the Air Force; more than likely in the reserves. It is common thought that the military will not accept an amputee. I had thought this as well...but I was wrong. It turns out, especially with the advances in prosthetic technology, that I could join. It would take a very motivated recruiter, but it is a possibility. This would require me to learn to use my prosthetic to the max of its ability. I'm well aware of the challenges that I would face. I'm well aware that the prospect of failure is very high, but I have always regretted that I didn't join the military when I was "able."

Option 2:
Flight Medic...this is much more attainable. This route only requires me to lose weight and find an open minded flight service that is willing to take a chance on a paramedic that also happens to be an amputee. I've proven myself over and over again in this field, as far as ground transport I have realized that I'm capable of doing my job at the same ability I had prior to my accident. Flight is the next natural progression in my career.

Option 3:
Attempting to move from "weekend" activist to full fledged Amputee Activism. I've been blessed to be able to enter into some small venues to fight for our rights. I've spoke to the Kentucky State House of Representatives, I've been awarded a scholarship to attend Stanford Medicine X and then invited to participate in a panel discussion during the first day of the conference. I'm thinking of looking for further opportunities to speak and get the story out. Use my story as a jumping off point to show that with the right technology and determination there are very few limitations that can stop us.


Anyway, with the conference looming (just 26 short days away) I have been looking out toward the future and where to go from here.

PM

PTSD, Setbacks, and Inspirations

PTSD is an odd affliction. You are fine one minute, then something triggers a full blown panic attack, can't breathe, have that feeling of impending doom. That's how my Saturday started. I got up for work, got dressed, put my leg on and headed out. That's when I got a whiff of a familiar scent, I can't explain it. All I know is that it in a matter of moments I was transported back to the bottom of that waterfall. Water rushing around me, that same pain shooting through my ankle, well...where my ankle used to be. After that, the rest of the day is crushed. I spent the entire day trying to seem normal, pretend nothing is wrong, and move on; all the while I feel like I'm in a tailspin and falling apart at the seams.

Although I am normally verbose, it's hard for me to explain the feeling that I am crumbling. I just want to disappear. I know my version of PTSD cannot compare to that of some others, I just find an odd correlation to how the brain can adapt and overcome many things, but every so often, the neurotransmitters line up and POOF! you're transported back and relive every excruciating moment over.

I think this episode has been building for awhile now. I'm dealing with an allergic reaction on my stump due to the liner that I have to wear with the prosthetic. I'm forced to only wear the leg for a few hours a day, and as soon as I put it on I break out in hives and start itching. This isn't your normal "I got bit by a mosquito" type of itching, this is the "if I had a belt sander I'd take off the top few layers of my skin to make this go away" type of itching. It's a miserable feeling. I try not to get into these negative places, I try to remain upbeat about my situation and just be thankful that I am lucky enough to be alive, not only alive, but walking and talking. By all means, I should be dead or paralyzed. There is no scientific reason that I survived that fall. I feel that the reason I am here is to help others, to blaze a path so that anyone else who walks this path has fewer obstacles to endure. Before my accident, another started this path. His name is Kevin Trees. Kevin is a police officer, like I did, he also chose amputation after several failed attempts to save his leg. Unlike Kevin, I made this decision much sooner than he did, he was immobile for nearly 3 years prior to amputation. Kevin has given me some great advice. Most days, we wake up and are just thankful for that blessing, yet there are some days when I get up and loathe who I am. Not who I am as a person, but who I am as a physical being. I don't want to put this prosthetic on, I don't want to be an amputee anymore, I'm angry that I've been placed into this position. I can't get up and take care of my infant son at night because it's not safe for either of us. Those are the types of things that enrage me...yet when I step back and look objectively I can honestly say...I'm alive. I shouldn't be but I am...so in order to have earned this blessing I have to pay it forward. I have to attempt to lay the groundwork so that if anyone else wants to follow in either of our footsteps has an easier path. Thank you Kevin, because of you I knew that returning to work was a possibility. I hope that I can only be a quarter of the inspiration to others that you have been to me...


That's all for tonight...I'll update more as Stanford Medicine X gets closer.


Oh before I forget...I'm hoping to get the funds together to pay for the flight, rental car, and food for the trip...I may be hosting a fund raising event in the near future if other routes do not come to fruition.

PM

Honored and Scared

I'm a little more than a month away from my trip to San Francisco. The final preparations are being made, hopefully, if finances come through I'll be booking my flight in the coming days. I haven't flown since my senior year of high school, much less traversed the maze of the TSA with a computerized limb attached to my body. I have many friends who travel much more than I do who have told me it's nothing to worry about, but I'm nervous none the less. This will be the first trip I have taken away from my family, my first trip as an amputee, and I'm most nervous about speaking to all of these people who are these influential leaders of industry and other ePatients who have had much more impact than I have. I've spoken to hundreds of people throughout my time as an amputee. I've been blessed enough to speak to the Kentucky House of Representatives, I've meet with other people facing similar situations as mine, I've been lucky enough to be able to do all these things
and now to be chosen as not only an ePatient, but to be part of a Panel discussion to further bring light to the importance of technology for amputees (both in social media as an outlet and way to connect and learn, but also in the function of our limbs).

As a patient who is going to be dealing with the healthcare industry and insurance companies for the rest of my life, I have learned the importance of fighting for what you need in order to be as productive as you can be. I look forward to speaking with the other ePatients and bringing our story to light.

I'll update you all more as the days progress.

PM

Speaking for Patient NeXt...

Now that it has been added to the official Medicine X website...I have some great news. I have been asked to speak during the Stanford Medicine X conference in September. I will be part of a Panel Discussion entitled Patient NeXt. You can find some information here http://medicinex.stanford.edu/conf/conference/event/98

The goal of this panel discussion is to examine what it means to be an active patient in your own healthcare, with an emphasis on how technology and social media can enact change. Both of these aspects are very important to me, lets face it, social media is one of the only reasons I am back at work. Without the power of social media, I would not have this prosthetic I am wearing now. I would not have had the leverage to change the mind of an internationally recognized Insurance company. As for technology, the technology advancements in the prosthetic industry have allowed me to return to work, allowed me to be an active father in my children's lives. Without technology I would still be the sedentary lump I had become prior to the amputation... I will keep you updated and look for many updates from the floor of the Medicine X conference.

Pain is inevitable

I've been without Internet for awhile so the blog has suffered my long absence. Tonight I decided I had too much on my mind and would update you all via my phone. 

Things have been rough over the past 2 weeks. I had been making progress in leaps and bounds. I have been walking with my kids in the evenings, I started running (well my version of running, it's not pretty, but it is forward progress that's faster than walking), and was finally getting the motions to walk up the stairs step over step...until I was forced out of the leg. A few weeks ago I found a mass on my stump. It was the size of a golfball and painful. The doc grounded me to uniped status until it cleared up...well now I've been passed onto a surgeon who looked at me for 2 minutes and dismissed me to a dermatologist. Now I'm waiting for the dermatology appointment and getting fed up quickly....

As I began to fall deeper into my solace I got a phone call about Allie. I had the honor to meet a young woman who is a new amputee and try to show her that there is still a great life to be had as a uniped. With the right technology and the right determination nothing is impossible. I think she has the drive to accomplish anything and meeting her has renewed my passion for changing public opinion and political opinion of what an amputee is capable of. 

It's weird how things work out...I'm just like you....I wake up and put my pants on one leg at a time, the only difference is after I put my pants on, I put my leg on too...that's what I want to accomplish. It's a lofty goal. I know that not all amputees are as functional as others, life and health situations determine that. I just want to prove that you can be who you want to be and limits are only restrictions you place upon yourself. 

Yes, I'm mad as Hell that I've suffered this setback. Yes, there are days where I still get angry that I've been placed in this position. Some days I flat out hate being an amputee. Then, there are days where I realize that although I suffered a great injury, I'm doing very well for a man with a foot in the grave. I've been given a chance to change the world...with that I am reminded of two of my favorite quotes; so I will leave you with this...

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" - Ghandi

And my personal favorite..

"Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional" - Irish proverb

Since you've stuck with me this far why don't you check out the blog of my Medicine X ePatient roommate Michael Weiss 

http://hospitalpatient.com/crohns-disease/crohns-disease-chemotherapy-humira

I'll be back with more as things develop and look forward to updating you from the MedicineX conference. 

Till next time...

PM

Stanford Medicine X Acceptance

A few months back I received a message from one of my readers "Afternoon Napper," they told me about the Stanford Medicine X Seminar and that they were looking for "ePatients." I decided I would apply to be one of their ePatients and see what happens....

Friday night I found out I was selected to participate in this years Medicine X program. After a very lengthy process I was one of the few applicants chosen to come out to Stanford University and be an patient advocate for the amputee community. The reason I was chosen is because of this blog. Thanks to my readers and the amazing support you all have given me, I now get to go represent other amputees. I'm still not sure exactly what I'll be doing yet, but I'm excited and honored none-the-less.

I'm still waiting to hear back from the selection committee to see if I have qualified for a scholarship to attend, if not I may have to have a fund raiser to help with the cost of travel and hotel stays. It's only 3 days, but I'm not even sure how much it would cost to fly from Louisville to Palo Alto. I'm getting ahead of myself, so for now I will end tonight with just saying I'm beyond blessed and just want to thank all of you for all the support you've shown and the amazing opportunities I've had because of it. Look forward to updating you about more details as they become available.

You can learn more about ePatients and the Medicine X program here.... http://medicinex.stanford.edu/

Legislature, Baby, and Prosthetics

Been a busy few weeks here in Prosthetic Land...House bill 376 did not get through the Kentucky Senate. Although this is a setback, it is not the end. The fact that we were able to get it through the banking committee in the House and passed on the House floor shows that we have the support to get Prosthetic Parity in Kentucky. For those who haven't seen the previous post about the law, it's basic premise is to force private insurance companies in Kentucky to pay for appropriate prosthetic equipment as defined by the patient's doctor; instead of imposing a cap on either technology, money, or both to limit the coverage a person is able to get. As an example, the prosthetic that allowed me to return to work was only possible due to the pressure placed by those of you that called, messaged, or otherwise contacted Humana. They impose a limit on the type of prosthetic they will approve. My knee is deemed "experimental" because it has microprocessors. This type of technology has been around for years, but due to the cost of the prosthetic, they label it experimental and refuse to approve this amazing product for those who could use it most. Next legislative session we will be back, and be ready to fight even harder.

On the personal front Mrs Prosthetic Medic has returned to her throne behind the radio, dispatching at work. Liam and I have had a difficult time adjusting to being at home without her, but it's getting better.

I'm trying to get some prosthetic issues worked out. I've started to have some skin issues, while minor at the present, could pose serious consequences if they aren't dealt with quickly. My amazing prosthetic team is on the case, and assure me the problems will be fixed soon. This is yet another unforeseen complication of wearing a prosthetic. Skin breakdown is a huge problem, if it gets too bad, I'll be forced to not wear my leg until the skin is healed. This means missing work, since it's not a work related issue I won't be able to get a light duty position that would let me work without having to wear my prosthetic. My prosthetist has told me that this is a complication of wearing my prosthetic for extended periods of time, while doing very labor intensive work. In a few years, once the skin has adjusted this will no longer be an issue, till then I'm forced to find creative methods to deal with problem.

Progress is being made on the ever elusive book about this whole wild ride. I'm getting my thoughts organized and the first chapter is nearly complete. Well, It may be the first chapter. I'm just writing and will place things into place once it's fleshed out a little more. If there is anything you'd like to know, or think I should include feel free to let me know. I'm always open to suggestions.

Till next time.

PM