3 days to go and looking back at Dr Office Lamentations

3 days to go. Meeting for today was rescheduled for tomorrow. So now I have to have both meetings back to back. Which means in the span of a few hours I could possibly get life changing information on two different fronts, my job and fundraising. I also got some uplifting news from a relative stranger today. One of my co-workers wives has put my story in to her church to possibly receive some financial assistance to help get through this rough time. I'm praying they understand my need and we get it; it would mean that I wouldn't have to worry about taking care of my family, it would be enough to ensure rent and bills are paid for several months. As D-Day gets closer I'm getting more and more nervous. I have to say. Looking back I still have the firing burning inside to turn this terrible accident into something positive. To become the 54th above knee amputee to work on the streets. I was reading through notes I had typed to keep up about my injury and thought I'd share this one with you. This was from when I was first trying to deal with the realization that I had to have the amputation. I titled it "Dr Office Lamentations." There have been many changes since I typed this note, but I still am getting closer to facing that bone saw and still unsure about how exactly my life will change due to this surgery...anyway enjoy.

Something about being stuck in the pergatory that is the Dr Office waiting room that gives a person time to think. Not sure if it's being surrounded by strangers who are just doing mindless tasks to pass the time till their name is called or seeing the number of people whom have it better or worse than you do. Anyway, I'm currently reading through notes I had typed during the first weeks after my initial injury. A lot has changed and then again more is the same. I'm still waiting on surgery, I still have foot drop, I still have a fire burning inside me to get back on my ambulance. Yet there is one major change. I am now looking down the barrel of a bone saw. Dr Caborn gave me a decision, keep the leg as is, no knee repair is possible due to immense damage, or have a "trans femoral amputation" big word for above knee. After much thought and long drawn out conversations with my fiance' we have decided to go with the amputation. His words knocked the wind outta me. I had been told for months that my knee was repairable, that once we get a second opinion we'll get the surgery done; now I'm being told that after reconsideration my knee will not work ever again. He can attempt a repair but it will never be stable and it will never be without pain. So, like the redneck technophile I am, I started researching AKA. I found that the US military has given microprocessor knees to soldiers and sent them back to the front line...so that should get me back in the jump seat. Next hurdle, Humana only pays for "basic needed to achieve activities of basic daily living" and although microprocessor controlled prosthesis have been out since the 90's they are considered "experimental". So I'll be fighting on that front...more to come I promise. Next issue is I'm not entirely sure how my fiance' and I are going to afford me having the surgery and going months without work. We will be forced to rely on the kindness of family, friends, and maybe a few strangers. All this just for the small percentage chance that I can defy the odds and become louisvilles own "Prosthetic Medic". I'll close these musings with this, life changes with the blink of an eye, you never know when you might be faced with the choice to give up or turn the impossible into a chance to prove them all wrong!!!