Friday, January 13, 2012
Amputate on 3...ready 1, 2, ....
Ok guys and gals, as promised today was the big day. I have made two major decisions; 1.) Dr Charles Ross will be performing my amputation. I feel that this is apropos since he was the surgeon who saved my leg in the first place. This surgeon was amazing. He took this tattered, tangled, mess of a leg and returned it to me whole. We gave it a good run, but after months we know that although the blood flow he fought so hard to return is working beautifully, but muscularly and neurologically not so much. 2.) He set the date for the surgery January 26, 2012,
At that exact moment, when he said "OK, well I'm out of the office next week, we will schedule you for the surgery on the 26th" I had an entire flood of emotions. You have to understand. I have been waiting for these words for months now. I have been waiting for the key to exit this Limbo I have been trapped in, and in a matter of seconds, he handed me that key. He basically said, ok here we go, on to the next step of this journey, since you know...One cannot simply walk into Mordor. Since he is not only the Chief of Vascular surgery at several hospitals, he's also an instructor he was informing me that he had spoken about me in class today. I explained that for a time I was very angry at him for saving the leg at all. It would have been so much easier to deal with had he just taken the leg back in May. Now looking back he did me one favor. I can look at this surgery that is coming up and say this is my choice. I have made this decision. I am losing a leg, but I get to decide that this is in my best interest. Instead of if he had taken my leg, back then, I had no choice in the matter. I would have just woken up without a leg and even more pissed off.
Today the emotions have been quite the rollercoaster. Although the majority of them, regarding the surgery at least, are peaceful and relief. I get to move on, I get to start my 30th year of life with a new leg and the chance to prove a large group of people wrong. I joke and tell people that on January 27th I will be 6 feet tall and 1 foot off. The second wave of emotion is that of fear. I am faced with the fact that the economic world could care less that I am losing a leg and losing my income. My fiance' works, but her income alone, will not be enough to keep up our household bills and pay my insurance out of pocket. So, that is why I have the donation button at the top of the screen. I am relying on the kindness of friends, family, and at this point some absolute strangers, to help me get through this. I hoping that years of good karma pay off and we don't have to make those decisions of electricity or groceries or insurance...which is a tough thing to explain to 2 small kids. Anyway. I plan on keeping this blog going while I'm in the hospital and throughout the rehab process. I'll keep updates as the days build up to surgery. So once again, spread the word about this blog. I want people to see that you can keep a positive attitude and prove that the loss of a leg isn't the loss of life or what you want to do. It just means you have to try. I really have to thank my mom's first boyfriend who was like a father to me. He used to say "Can't never could do nothing" and "Can't isn't a word" while I know that my grammatical nazi friends are having strokes right now, it instilled in me that if you just say you can't do something because it's hard then you are going to miss out on a lot in life.
Ok. Till next time....The Prosthetic Medic will be born in 13 days