T-Minus 5 days and counting

So today was a rough day at the homestead. We had the "What do you want if this goes bad" talk. That's a discussion the average 30 year old doesn't really contemplate all that often. Even though I'm in a profession that deals with life and death, thinking about ones on mortality is difficult at best. Trying to decide who does what, burial or cremation, where does the pension go, etc...? Makes one think and brings on the finality of the next few days. I know that theses procedures are done on a daily basis nearly, but how many of them include a femoral popliteal bypass to deal with. Luckily, the surgeon who initially saved my leg will be the one to remove it. Kinda poetic and fitting I think. Yet at the same time. It adds the terrifying prospect that no matter the outcome the lives of my family are changing forever as well. Most of the time I have focused on how this affects me and what outcomes I want from this. I know that I want to walk again, I want to work again, I want to be able to go out and take photos with my wonderful fiance' again, to play ball with my sons...but what do they want. Yesterday, I was informed that my sons want me to be able to take them to the zoo. That's their standard for when I am "better." My fiance' wants me to be happy and have the man she knows and loves back, to be able to be spontaneous again and not tied to a cane. I'm happy to say that I think most of these things can come to fruition. I just hope that when all is said and done, I can make them all happy. If the worse does come to pass, I hope people will be able to say that I made a difference. I changed the world, even if it was only in my little corner of it. Don't get me wrong. I have a great feeling about this surgery. I think that this surgery will change my world and the world of those around me. I know that post-op I have a big decision to make. Will I let this take over who I am or just let it be a part of who I am. Will I choose happiness with the hand I've been dealt or will I choose to wallow in my misery and ask "Why Me?" Honestly, I've been through the "why me" stage and it didn't change a thing. I got no answers and only more questions. So, I choose happiness, I know that this will be hard, not only on me and my body, but on my family and those closest to me. I know we are all going to get through this just fine. It will become normal life again and my shiny new bionic leg will be nothing special, just daddy's leg. Can't wait for that...