Kinda nervous about the doctor's appointment tomorrow. It seems that I've been waiting for this date forever. At 10am I find out, hopefully, when my surgery will be. I get the date that I lose my useless appendage and start the long hard battle towards becoming the "Prosthetic Medic." It will be nice to just know that date, to have a end date/start date, to know when this Limbo I am stuck in will be over. Some days I feel a lot like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. Everyday is exactly the same. I know that everyday I am going to get up, take my handful of medicines that make my pain dull enough to function, notice here I didn't say takes away my pain, I am never not in pain, the medicines just dull the edges and makes it so I can walk and function. I strap on both of my braces, I have what's called an AFO that I wear on my foot that goes up the back of my calf and allows me to hold my foot at a 90 degree angle and allows me to walk with the normal heel-to-toe stride that most people do without thinking about it. Then I put on my knee brace that tries to hold my knee together. It does what it's supposed to do for the most part, but I know that at some point during the day I am going to fall. I've been lucky thus far and only done minor damage to myself in these falls, for instance. Last night I fell and now my knee is swollen and painful, the tear in my meniscus has folded under and now each time I bend my knee it feels as if I am rubbing a glass shard between my femur and tib/fib. This is my day. I try my best to be a good fiance, a good friend, and not let these things stop me from leading as normal as a life as I can.
Anyway, as promised in my last update, the reason I am asking people for donations. When I fell back in May I was on the last day of Vacation from work. I had decided that for the first time in 5 years I was going to take off a whole month, just to see what that was like. On the last day of vacation was when we decided to go hiking...we know how that story ends. So, with that I have been off work from the beginning of April until October. 5 months without working. Thankfully I had the sick time and some vacation time built up to pay my bills while I was off work trying to navigate the maze that is the modern healthcare system. By the end of August I was nearly out of time and started petitioning my employer for light duty or modified duty, basically, let me work at a desk punching in data for a paycheck. Which after a few weeks of trying they relented and here I am.
The issue is that when I go off for the surgery, I have no paid time off left. The money I have been able to bring in has been just enough for my fiance' and myself to get by on. We are living literally paycheck to paycheck and once I go off I will be inheriting the added expense of paying my health insurance out of pocket. So the money that is normally taken out of my check before taxes will now be billed to me once a month by the city of Louisville in order for me to keep my health insurance and get the prosthetic I so desperately. So, I have had to swallow what little pride I had left and start asking others for the money that I don't have and have no way of obtaining on my own.
Asking for donations really opens your eyes to a lot of things. It shows you the number of people you have had an effect on and had no idea, or it also has the chance to show you peoples true colors. I do not judge anyone, give if you can and if you cannot that's fine too. I'm not going to get pushy. I know how hard economic times are and know that asking people to spare some money in these times is a truely large order, but I have been accused of turning my facebook into the side of a free way (In effect accusing me of being a begger with a sign) which in a sense I guess I have. I've been called dozens of names that I will not post on here, and I've been accused of lying to get people just to give me money. I assure those of you who have taken the time to donate anything to us, be it money or just the webspace to share the word for my fundraiser, that all money will be used for the basics of life. It will either go to utilities, groceries, or insurance. That is all. I will not use any funds donated to us for frivilous means.
OK...that's all for tonight. Big Big Day tomorrow. I'll keep you posted. Oh and if it's not too much to ask please spread the word about this blog and my fundraisers. We have a long way to go before I go off for the surgeries. Sadly I can't push the surgery off any further than I have. My knee is literally disintergrating and causing me more and more pain so the surgical date will be set and I have to go off. Please say a prayer for me and spread the word
Talk to you soon....The Prosthetic Medic