Racing the Clock

I haven't spoken much about work, aside from the fact that I am fighting to get back to being a paramedic. The fact is, not only do I want to be a paramedic, but I want to return to the job I held before I was forced to go down this path. The fact is I'm racing against the clock. The problem is this clock has two different times. One is my 1 year date from my date of injury, which is May 8th. The issue is that on this day my employer has the right to fire me. With termination I am going to lose more than my employment, I lose my insurance, and my pension. The second date is October 30th. This is the day I started back to "modified duty," a fancy way of saying I went back to work behind a computer desk and crunched data regarding our performance with Cardiac Arrests. If they choose to use this date as my last date of employment, then it gives me much more of a chance to achieve my goals. I know these are lofty aspirations, and the chance of me coming back to this employer is slim. The fact is, I love where I work and the people I work with. I want to remain here. I have had an offer at another agency. That is a comfort, knowing that despite what I am going through, I have a place to go. I just hope that I can do all these things I am hoping for and not let down those around me. Although, what I am most looking forward to is being able to walk down the isle and wait for my beautiful bride. I can't wait to marry her, in one year she has seen me through a heart cath (it was stress and ruled out as stress induced angina), my fall and subsequent surgeries, and now my amputation and recovery. All the way through this she has been my rock, my support. I couldn't ask for more. I am going to spend the rest of my life happily trying to repay her for the year of Hell I have put her through. Between Kate, my family, and friends they have all been through a lot with me this year. I am blessed and welcome the challenges ahead. I owe them that much. I know this isn't going to be easy, so I'm trying to take things one day at a time. Today, I rested and just tried to do some stretching to loosen up the muscles in the stump. They are very sore and tight today, after the workout they got yesterday. I have to get this swelling down before they can fit me for the socket that will attach to the prosthetic. I hate not knowing what day I'm going to be let go from work, or if I am going to be let go at all. All this uncertainty is too stressful, I try not to think about it, but it's always in the back of my mind. Knowing that as soon as this decision is made I lose my insurance. Then I'm still stressing about how we are going to afford to pay for our normal bills and the added expenses of my insurance out of pocket. I'm praying that I win the lottery, just need to start playing...Anyway. That's all I got on my mind today. Until next time.