Thanks to all that have helped!!!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Time Out

Today has been my day to rest. I pushed myself kinda hard yesterday, so today I have done absolutely nothing. I microwaved dinner, I played playstation, and I napped. I woke up with an uneasy feeling. I was kinda disappointed in myself for not accomplishing anything today. I have decided to forgive myself for this. One day of relaxation is not a failure, I'm not dooming myself by taking a day to rest...even God took one day off. I just worry so much about disappointing someone, mostly disappointing my family. I don't want to look back and say "That's the reason I didn't get to the top of the mountain." That is one of my biggest fears, being able to look back and have failures that I did nothing to correct. I'm also afraid of taking this and letting it become who I am. Right now, I have absorbed this identity while I try to find it's place inside the conglomeration that is "Joe." I don't want to let it become my identity. I've never liked being able to be sorted into a category. Reflecting today I have realized that I am letting the amputation become who I am, it has consumed me. I understand that for awhile I have to let it take it's place on the front burner, but I can still stir my other pots while it's cooking. I am blessed that some of you have donated your hard earned money to help me achieve my goals, and if I make this my primary identity then I have failed you too. To accomplish this goal I will be "The Prosthetic Medic," but more than that I want to get back to being who I was before my life changed back in May. That has been the most tragic part of this accident to me, not losing my leg, but losing who I am. I have been forced inside and my normally optimistic, upbeat personality has, at times, been crushed. That is what hurts me when I look back on the past 9 months, I have let my injury change who I am. I have lost a few battles, but I am going to win this war. I will return to who I was, who I am. I'm blessed to have a fiance' and a family that stands behind me through this and helps me realize when I am straying from the path that I need to be on. Also, they show me that sometimes I have to stop and breathe and realize how far I have came in such a relatively short period of time. I'm still scared about where I'm going. I'm scared about money and mostly about not returning to where I want to be. I can say that, reflecting on where I started, I have been fighting tooth and nail for 9 months and I don't see that stopping anytime soon.


  1. Very inspirational story. Do you have an email address I can contact you at?

  2. Rest is an important part of recovery.
    Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. It's possible to drive yourself, and go easy on yourself, at the same time.

  3. We all have to have a day to rest. if it makes you feel better - the only thing I accomplished today was mopping the kitchen and getting caught up on my tv shows and i have no excuses. Just know that we are all rooting for you and love you and that you have not and will not let us down. You've already done more than many would have ever been able to do! Love you!

  4. feeling guilty and useless when you wanted to REST from full day the day before? You could have at least take a walk around the house, perfecting how to work around something. Clean out from under the bed. Rearrange pantry. Sometimes to rest is to change how you "excercise". EXPLORE! For me on a very busy day (I have three girls, youngest is 6 months), I try to focus on very basic duties. For me it'd be floor all swept and everybody fed and freshly clothed. Once that's done, day is good even if not whole a lot got done!