Excited for tomorrow. Tomorrow I get my sons. For the first time in nearly a month we get to have Logan and Bryson both, and we get to keep them till Monday!!! I'm not sure if I can do it, but I'm very tempted to try to take them to the zoo and just see how long I can walk. I want them to see that nothing can stop them. That no matter what the obstacle you can plow through and use that obstacle to be more than you ever thought you could be in the first place.
During this journey from cocky paramedic to invalid (hell it's how I have felt for the past year) to working my way back to getting to be that cocky paramedic again. I have learned that while there are good days and bad days on the average I can wake up and say I am alive. I am more alive today than I was 2 years ago. I have been through a deep valley, I should be dead. How many people fall 11 stories and live to tell the tell. Yes, I lost a leg. I didn't lose my life or my mind or my ability. I feel like I can still get on the truck and function in the back just the same as I did before. The hurdle now is the transition from scene to truck that will be the issue. I'm trying to decide on my next design for the leg, soon I will be moving to a soft socket with a carbon fiber cage. I'm thinking about phrases to wrap the cage in. I want something in either celtic or english. I was looking at something either funny or motivational or a mixture of both. You guys help me come up with some phrases. I'm ready to be back to who I was. I want to be that cocky medic again, I want to walk into a scene and prove that I am the conductor. During my time as a Preceptor I tried to teach my preceptees that as a medic you are the conductor of the scene, just the same as an orchastra, if you are disjointed and out of control, your scene will be the same. If you are cool, calm, and collected then your scene will be the same. I can think of dozens of runs where I was cool as a cucumber but inside I was a cyclone of thoughts and worries. I want that feeling again, It's that feeling that I miss more than anything.